Another mother/daughter wedding conflict
Why are mother/daughter wedding conflicts so common? It usually comes down to control. Sometimes the mom wants the daughter to have the wedding she never had. So she throws her weight (pocketbook) around until she gets her way.
That, in turn, makes the daughter want to push back all the more.
Sometimes the daughter exercises poor judgement and exhibits a self-centeredness that rubs mom wrong, especially if mom (and dad) are footing the bill.
And sometimes, well, mother/daughter relationships are just complicated.
A mom wrote in to Miss Manners in October with the latest mother/daughter wedding conflict. Here are the details:
- Mom (and dad) are footing a chunk of the bill.
- Daughter won’t let mom and dad invite seven of their friends. But then daughter goes ahead and invites 40 EXTRA of her friends over and above original budget.
- Bride plans on an open bar for first three hours of reception, but wants a cash bar for the 4th.
- Mom disagrees, since it’s a destination wedding 90 minutes from home. Mom says she’ll pay for an open bar the final hour ($7 per guest), the tradition if the wedding were in their home town. Daughter says no.
Sigh.
Miss Manners makes an interesting point. Money isn’t the reason parents should be allowed to invite seven of their friends. The reason is because THEY ARE THE PARENTS. (See the 4th Commandment: “Honour thy father and mother.”)
Regarding the cash bar conflict, Miss Manners finds the daughter’s decision “baffling.” This blogger doesn’t. It comes down to a good, ol’ fashioned case of control, the timeless wedding conflict that never goes away.
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